2008 Smack-Off

Once a year on the Jim Rome Show the best of the best call into the Jungle to take part in the annual Smack-Off. Today was the 2008 Smack-Off and it provided me three hours of entertainment while I was at work. Below is the order in which the participants called in along with a brief critique of their takes.

Vic in No-Cal: Vic’s take was uninspired, unoriginal and unfunny. It was like waiting for Christmas to come, opening your presents and then discovering that all you got was a bunch of socks and underwear. Vic is overrated.

Jay Mohr: The celebrity clone called in and filled the second slot of the 2008 Smack-Off. His take had Vic in No-Cal in his cross-hair and he took him down. Jay made a strong case to become the first paid professional ever to win the Smack Off.

Mike “Doc” Di Tolla: This was my first time hearing Doc bring his smack to the Jungle. He previously won the Smack Off in 1997 and 2000. This guy was smooth and during his call he obliterated Vic in No-Cal. My favorite parts of his call were when he dropped the Grapes of Wrath line and then called Vic “another 20-something with an empty resume”. Solid.

Brendan in Wilmington: His take did not measure up to the level required for the Smack-Off and he was run following a line where he said drinking a flatulent was not tax deductible. He also sounded like he made the call from a bathroom stall. This clown needs to wait another 5 years waiting on hold before qualifying for another Smack-Off.

Jeff in Richmond: The 2002 Smack-Off Champion brought it hard during his call but during his take sounded like the former WWF great, Macho Man Randy Savage. I was expecting Jeff to end his call by snapping into a Slim Jim.

Rachel: She started out strong but then kept going on and on and on and on. Her reference to a leopard thong was uncomfortable and she was eventually run when she made a reference to a heart faced uterus (gross). Way to go out on top.

J.D. in Nashville: He gained notoriety with his Michael Jackson parody and then called in today and sang a weak version of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”. When you catch lightning in a bottle it’s best to have your first impression be your last impression. The one positive of his call was that he did not get run.

Iafrate: The 2004 Smack-Off Champion relied on the bread and butter of the Jungle for his call material, clone on clone crime. He knocked on Jay Mohr, Vic, Doc, and just about every other Jungle caller he could think of during his call and even worked in an El Camino reference.

Corey in Ann Arbor: Following Iafrate was a hard place to be in the Smack-Off batting order and Corey did the best with what he had. In the words of Simon Cowell, it was a good call but otherwise forgettable.

Terrence in Sierra Madre: The best caller never to win the Smack-Off showed why he has this title during his call. While his calls during the regular shows are solid, today his smack was a little weak. To his credit he did finish strong with the “f-r-e-e that spells free creditreport.com baby” reference.

Silk: The 2001 Smack-Off winner’s call was brought to us by the Ped-Egg. He took a run at MMA and His best line was “I don’t drink beer often, but when I do it’s Pabst Blue Ribbon.” I think his call was enough for a top five finish.

Bode in Pearland: Representing the great State of Texas, Bode’s take included his fire year old son, a reference to his XXX-style conception (eww), and a word of warning to Pac-Man Jones to run real fast through Texas. I thought his take was okay.

Stevie “Phoneslap” Carbone from LMU: The 1998 Smack-Off winner was unhappy about Sean the Cablinasian not being included in the 2008 Smack-Off and then took it to Kyle Brandt. Best line, “Ryan Seacrest called, he wants his metro-sexuality back.” A guest appearance from Jim Harbaugh took his call into the top five of the 2008 Smack-Off calls.

Greg in Vegas: “We get free health care if you choose to ignore our taxes” and “Rabid caribou scratches, no guns and snow in late April” were two great lines he dropped about Canada. Also referenced the Montreal Canadians celebrating like the won the Stanley Cup after they beat they Bruins in Game 7 of the first round. Note to Montreal, you were the 8^th seed, you were supposed to win.

Joe in the O.C.: Joe took Jay Mohr to the mat with his “speaking of early cancellation” and “bellboy BOHICA” runs. His smack was pretty good, his voice annoyed me, but it was a strong call.

Orin in Denver: He took a run at becoming President of the Jungle, threw smack at every Province in Canada and begged the clones to stop producing mini-movies during their takes. His call was good, but he did not do enough to distinguish himself from the top callers of this years Smack-Off.

Casey in Vegas: He had a crap list that included Andruw Jones, Billary, and Scott Boras. His call was short, too the point and well done.

I-Ray from Longbeach: He referenced black hookers, chocolate pudding and then got run. Thanks for playing I-Ray.

The Top 10 from the 2008 Smack-Off were:

1. Iafrate
2. Mike “Doc” Di Tolla
3. Joe in the O.C.
4. Stevie “Phoneslap” Carbone from LMU
5. Terrence in Sierra Madre
6. Jay Mohr
7. Greg in Vegas
8. Silk
9. Jeff in Richmond
10. Casey in Vegas

The calls this year were very good and it was the best Smack-Off I have heard. I had Doc winning with Iafrate in second but it could have gone either way. I am looking forward to the break down of Smack-Off XIV on Monday.

Congratulations to Iafrate on his second Smack-Off Championship, and until next time, goodnight now!