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2011 Smack-Off

April 8, 2011

Today was the 17th Annual Smack-Off on the Jim Rome Show.  It is by far one of the best shows of the year and all week I tried to make sure I would be able to sit back and enjoy it.  I was looking forward to listening to Brad in Corona, Mike in Indy and Jay Mohr.

Jeff in Richmond

The self-proclaimed “Dirtiest Player in the Jungle” and 2000 Smack-Off champion kicked off the festivities.  He talked a lot about himself and indicated he wanted to be a 2 Time Champ because that’s how he rolls.  Then he threw down smack about impregnating an army of random skanks, Antonio Cromartie being weak on prevent defense on and off the field (Ha!) and Travis Henry having more children per year than yards per carry.   Jeff also ripped Cialis, Viagra and other ED drugs on running commercials he had to explain to his 11 year old daughter.  Jeff then ran off about owning a $3k Armani suit, having a hot wife and rolling around the Commonwealth in his luxury sled (all of which I seriously doubt).  The call ended with his signature good-night now.  It was not a bad way to start the Smack-Off but he still makes me want to snap into a Slim Jim.

Dan in DC

He was waiting for this day like Gloria James in a valet stand. He then dived into clone on clone crime, Vic in NoCal making a living on Haight Ashbury, Jay Mohr and his team of writers, and Joe in the OC being unable to win because of his voice.  Then he hit upon some sport takes about how women’s basketball is unwatchable and that the UConn coach should be happy 6k “fans” showed up to watch their game.  I also liked the lines about Mel Gibson being Lebron’s mom and the guy falling off his bike and getting hit by a whale in Japan.  Gotta love tsunami humor. Overall, this call had a little bit of everything and was very good.

Trapper

He’s Trapper and I’m not, thank God.  As soon as he brought up Don Rumsfeld I tuned this clown out.  I listen to Jim Rome so I don’t have to think about politics but this liberal hack can’t get through a take without flapping his gums about some atrocity of the Bush administration.  And of course, it turns out he’s an attorney.  One of the worst calls ever in a Smack-Off.

Jay Mohr

Played up his own celebrity and the relative anonymity of Dan in DC and Victor Ramos.  Brought up the Vic in NoCall debacle of the 2009 Smack-Off and then called him out for refusing to call the Jungle during his championship reign.  Mohr’s clone on clone crime was only directed at Vic calling him a cyber-bully and moron.  Also called him out for making up false retweets on Twitter and calling his local shows saying he’s Vic in NoCal from the Jim Rome Show.  Mohr is a ticket seller and Vic is a ticket buyer.  Ended with asking Jim to “tear down this wall” between Vic and the Jungle.  Haymaker after haymaker were landed on Victor.  Classic. I always love Mohr’s calls but sadly a paid professional cannot win the Smack-Off.

Orin in Denver

Clones are bitter and average.  Compared the Smack-Off to the Octagon or the WWE, same difference.  He was the first caller to work the sponsor of the Smack-Off into his call (“What did Lebron’s mom’s five fingers say to the valet? Some guys just need to be slapped!”) Like the other run at Gloria James playing on the State Farm commercials, like a good neighbor and she appears with Chuck Norris is a headlock with two forties.  NFL labor, way things are, new school, old school this call had some variety.  Nicely done Orin!

Mike in San Diego

He’s been listening to the Jungle since the 20-something clones and Marv Albert were in diapers.  Knocked on Fabian and how Twitter and the Rome Show do not give him enough room.  Nailed Lebron for digging himself a hole on Twitter than Yao Ming could use as a shortcut to Shanghai.  Moving on Rome, he took a run at the Communist known as Trapper and reminded him this wasn’t the Rachel Maddow show (loved it).  Also noted that this was a sports show and if Trapper wanted to proselytize he needed to invite people to his Code Pink rally.  It was a pretty good call, and I loved hearing him take shots at Trapper.

Israel in Los Angeles

His dome is 7 3/8 but it’s not growing like Barry Bonds’, he was born that way.  Dumped on clones who called other clone coke and meth addicts because it was bad karma.  Said that Brad is in a prison called Corona and the 909.  Moved onto taking shots at Jay Mohr noting that Jerry McGuire was supposed to be his jumping off point, not his career’s pinnacle.  Got kind of scary when he said he was gonna kill Mike in San Diego with his .565 that came 30 to a clip with tracer rounds.  “I’ll leave you talking in tongues when I am done son.” His cadence reminded me of a preacher and he was pretty fired up.  It ran a little long and Rome had to interrupt him because of a hard break. It was a pretty good call from a dark horse.

Iafrate

Related the Smack-Off to the NCAA Tournament and called Brad in Corona George Mason who crumbled during the defense of his title.  Took a hard run at Vic sending Rome his entire family album of pictures and dubbed him “Bourbon Street” Vic (fat, drunk, urine smelling donkey crap).  Made fun of Mike in Indy winning 10 steaks for his mammy and pappy and reiterated that the mid-majors of the Jungle do not intimidate the old timers.  Solid call.

Joe in the O.C.

Opened his call by stating he would stick to sports and not dive into the cesspool of clone on clone crime.  Talked about the one legged wrestler winning the NCAA’s and then moved on to some Heather Mills smack.  Cold.  Then worked his way through each of the Jungle’s current heavy hitters: Brad in Corona (try to impersonate a man); Broadway Joe (who would have been a history major except for the GED thing); Israel who is Sarah Palin with emphysema; Terrance the irrelevant and that Communist Trapper.

Stevie Carbone

He admitted to not knowing what was going on in the Jungle but could not pass up the opportunity to snag a sweet prize.  His first sport take was about the Dodgers giving a NoCal Giants fan brain damage which fell flat.  Nailed Vic for taking cologne showers and wearing bedazzled jeans.  Related Mike in Indy to Butler, they both shoot blanks when it matters.  He ran close to the line a couple of times (daughter smack) but finished strong. Rise and fire!

Brad in Corona

Seconds in told Joe in the OC to give up the dream because Rome was never going to let him jockey one of his horses.  Noted that the only collective bargaining Mike in Indy had ever been involved in concerned his 4 buddies, a crack pipe and a toothless prostitute at the Circus Circus casino in Vegas.  Dogged Mohr for being fat and the Mandt brothers for producing more crap than Jagermeister and a box of suppositories.  Had a pretty funny bit where he played Jeopardy by himself (Mike Ditola slapping veneers on a skank in the OC).  Left saying he had to go fill Vic’s mom’s dish with water. Out.

Mike in Indy

Took his first run at Israel noting that no one wants to grow up and be a strip club dj.  Said the only thing shaking on Brad in Cornona was the muffler on his Kia.  Talking about Vic being in a death montage, wearing a Statue of Liberty Costume and dancing on a street corner.   His cadence was off and it really sounded like he was reading.  Worked Jen Sterger into his call and taking her to Amen Corner.  Kept saying he was going to “put someone on blast.” Kind of a disappointing call for a past winner.

Vic in NoCal

Self glossed as Broadway he rolled in talking about great he was last year.  Took multiple runs at Jay Mohr calling him untalented, panic attack ridden, and the radio version of Eddie Murphy as a singularity of suck.  Said he was better than Jay inside the Jungle and that he was the J.P. Morgan of smack while Jay peddled his 8-balls of smack on the corner.  Ended the call by asking Mohr who are you (with accompanying song by the Who). Overall I was unimpressed.

BC&B’s TOP 10

  1. Brad in Corona
  2. Iafrate
  3. Dan in DC
  4. Mike in San Diego
  5. Jay Mohr
  6. Vic in NoCal
  7. Stevie Carbone
  8. Joe in the OC
  9. Mike in Indy
  10. Orin in Denver
  11. Israel in Los Angeles
  12. Jeff in Richmond
  13. Trapper

Rome’s  Top 10

  1. Brad in Corona
  2. Stevie Carbone
  3. Iafrate
  4. Vic in NoCal
  5. Dan in DC
  6. Jay Mohr
  7. Mike in Indy
  8. Mike in San Diego
  9. Israel
  10. Joe in the OC
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6 Comments leave one →
  1. April 8, 2011 4:55 pm

    Great #SmackOff this year. Thought Mike in SD was the best.

    • April 8, 2011 5:08 pm

      Mike in SD had a call that was worthy of at least a top 5 finish. I think that Brad was by far the best.

  2. drealsd permalink
    April 8, 2011 6:07 pm

    Mike in SD was robbed. Should of been Mike #1, Iafrate #2, Stevie from LMU #3. The young guys just rehash crap and posture like they have been watching too much WWE smackdown. Mike in Indy was really lame, Vic as well. Jethro in Richmond has a class of sucking all to himself.

  3. whoisba&b? permalink
    April 9, 2011 8:26 am

    If you’re gonna hate on trapper for talking politics then include jeff in richmond and mike in SD (whose comment you loved). Maybe you’re a right wing moron, perhaps. Anyway I agree on not getting political, so don’t!

    • April 9, 2011 1:12 pm

      Good point. I think I’m predisposed to dislike Trapper from his other calls. I didn’t hear Jeff’s political statement. Mike in SD was saying not to bring politics into it.

  4. FRW permalink
    April 9, 2011 8:28 pm

    the best smack off thus far! jay and vic’s venom for each other was awesome. mike in SD and stevie carbone could have easily picked as the winner. like the host said, it was brad’s jeopardy bit that put him on top of the field.

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