I’m a Cutter
I hate azaleas. My relationship with them is not one of mild dislike, but rather white-hot-bulldozer-driving-ripping-them-from-the-ground hate. They surround our yard and have slowly evolved into towering green masses full of green briars, saplings, and wisteria. It is a sisyphean task, and cleaning them out on a bi-annual basis has been my chore since we moved into our cottage.
This morning I decided to tackle the bushes. My neighbor had loaned his trimmers with a 30″ blade to his son so I headed to Thomasville to buy a set of 28″ pruners from Lowes. I made sure to check they had them in stock, which of course meant they were fresh out when I was arrived. Instead, I grabbed a 100′ extension cord, and resigned myself to using the tiny pair of trimmers in my shed.
Since the last time I used ours, I had forgotten they were on 18″. Normally this would mean trimming would take more time. With our monster bushes it meant I had to trim the middle portions from inside them. By the end of the afternoon I looked like a teenager with an affinity for razor blades. My arms were covered in cuts and scratches. My legs were cut up. I was covered in sweat. I was bloodied, but the damn azaleas were cut.
One final delightful note that summed up my afternoon, as I was finishing I tugged the extension cord and it somehow landed on the teeth of the moving pruner. Amazingly I didn’t electrocute myself, but I did destroy a brand new $20.00 extension cord. Does anyone have a back hoe, or some highly toxic pesticide I can borrow?